Cognitive Distortions – How much are you distorting your life?

Language we use everyday shows and reflects how we see the world. We try to “catch” our thoughts and ideas and describe with words everything that we see and feel.

Unfortunately, we inevitably lose in translation what we want to transmit.

We lose it through generalizations, deletion of information, cognitive distortions and many, many more.

Distortion takes place when we care and focus more about some ideas and experiences than about others. We do these things unconsciously and consciously. The way we do it gives many clues of our deep beliefs about ourselves and the rest of the world.

Here are 10 most popular cognitive distortions:

• „Everything or nothing” - you think that everything is or white or black, or bad or good. There is nothing in between. „If I’m not perfect, I’m a total failure.”, „I took a nap during the day, it was a complete waste of time!”, „Joe hasn’t come to the party. You cannot rely on him at all!”
• „Generalization” - you use words like „always”, „never” when speaking about a single event. „I will never get a promotion.”, „It always rains when I want to have a walk”.
• „Minimization, maximization and catastrophism” – you see things dramatically more important or less important than they really are. You often create a catastrophic vision. „My boss thanked her in public, so she will be promoted and I will not, even if I’m better that her.”, „I forgot to send an email! Now my boss will stop to trust me and again I will not get a rise, and after my wife/husband will leave me for sure!”
• „Musts” - you use words like „must”, „have to”, „should”, „ought to” to motivate yourself and after when you don’t accomplish the task, you fell angry/sad/disappointed etc. „I should have washed the dishes yesterday.”, „They should respect my feelings and know what makes me upset”, „I must write this letter”.
• „Labeling” - you label yourself or others basing your opinion on one time event. „I didn’t defend my friend. I’m a total looser!!!”, „He is an idiot! He’s put his shirt inside out.”
• „Wrong judgments”- here we have:
  • „Mind reading” - you are sure what people think without having any proofs. For example your friend looks upset and instead of asking what’s wrong, you think: „He thinks that I exaggerate again...” or „He hasn’t forgiven me yet that I told his secret to our common friend”
  • „Foretelling of future” - you predict what will happen not knowing the facts and without having any proves. „I will never sell this car” (even if the market is good), „They will never invite me again”
• „Omitting positives” - you don’t consider positive events. „Everybody could have done that”, „My contribution to this project does not count at all”, “I reduced smoking from 40 to 10 cigarettes a day, but it doesn’t count. I haven’t quit yet!”
• „Blaming” - you blame yourself when in reality you are not responsible or you blame others and you refuse to admit your fault. „If only I were younger, I would get the job!”, „If only I hadn’t said that...”, „If only she hadn’t yelled at me, I wouldn’t have got angry and the car wouldn’t have hit the tree”
• „Thinking with feelings” - I feel - I exist. You presume that what you feel is the absolute truth without thinking if it is really true. „I feel like an idiot.”, „I feel guilty”, “I feel really bad, because I yelled at my partner. I am so selfish and I do not care what others think!.”
• „Mind Filter” - you think about one negative detail. In this way you ruin the day, your good mood, your hope etc. For example you are in a restaurant and the chicken that you’ve ordered is undercooked and this destroys all the evening.

Which of these distortions do you use?

If you need help with fighting them, write:

annamaria@lifecoaching-online.com

annamaria.w.fardella@gmail.com